Statement of Purpose - Why am I doing what I am doing?

It was interesting to reflect on the Statement of Purpose today. The purpose - why I am doing, what I am doing. It was a part of the training session today - where everyone was made to think about this and something which stood out for me.

When I started thinking about it, HONESTLY, I was not getting a real answer. I do have a huge poster in my office which reads - PURPOSE - KIDS - surrounded by memories of kids from TFI and from my time spent training teachers in Himachal, (Gujarat is still missing here and the memories which will be created now, here, are not there - will keep adding them as the time passes).

Today while thinking about it, yes the kids definitely came to my mind - but only for an instant, What came was this -

"For the dearth of an entity called _______ <something is missing>"

And then I wrote there - "think about it!" 

I do not know suddenly why kids did not come as THE answer today - which makes me think about yet another thing - "Does this SoP keep changing, as one progresses in life?" Probably, YES! (and btw this poster thing is just a week old exercise, I did in school - just with myself!) 

Reflecting more about the SoP now, I think why I am doing what I am doing is for finding what this "missing" piece is. I have not been able to find it out, till date. And probably that is the reason that I am mostly restless.

And while this quest for finding that "something" continues, here is to a new beginning -

 And to this -

<in the perfect weather lying down in the garden right outside school - looking at the sky and simultaneously thinking about work!>

Battling the fears? Or something else? 

I am not sure as to what is the cause of what's happening to me these days! Or may be I know the reason but not willing to accept it, and hence battling it. I literally have been up since 2 AM today, trying to wrap up work. I am quite excited about what's gonna happen. I am looking forward to it. 

There is this new life I have. The kind of life I did not actually even dream of. Its like - some roads are destined to be covered irrespective.  Its that road. Its that path which I am traversing right now. 

I am in a city these days - that's a huge transition from where I was a couple of months back. It's a new life - the life where I am learning to manage and manage quite a lot - right from when do I need to send my clothes for laundry?, what to cook for the night?, where do I go to purchase 'xyz' things, etc and to things like how can 'this' be taught in class, how could I become better in dealing with certain situations with certain people - it's about everything! 

To say the least - it is teaching me a lot - things that I could not even think of doing - I am doing them now. I always had this fear of swimming in the dark - today, even though I have been up since such a long time, I pushed myself to do this - I do not know what ignited me (or may be I know and again not willing to accept it) but I did it! And I am quite proud about it! 

I do have a lot of thoughts in mind - but I am going to save them for the plans that I have ahead! I think I just want to sum up by reiterating something that I wrote a few months back :- 

It's interesting to see how certain general unintended interactions with people can cause a sudden turn of events for you in general. Life takes a sudden U-turn from being focused towards a goal to getting deviated from it and thinking more about the present deviation! Such are the times, when actually one should not get lost in the nitty-gritties of the deviation, rather gather courage to take a step back and come back on the original track!

I know its easy said than being done, but its a total bliss the moment you realize something is trying to enervate all that you have, and you start taking actions to replenish yourself!

In a hope to write more! 

Raman Bahl

Food for Thought! 

And this is exactly the thought I have been having since last few days now! Learning, Learning, Learning! 

The time everything seems vague! 

This is the time of the year for me when I am just moving on, trying to let go of a lot of stuff (which is so unlike me). We have celebration day coming up in school and I have no idea what's going to happen. If it rains, we would probably be cancelling the event (I sincerely hope that it does not rain). 

Its been quite a long time since I led a normal life. I am craving for one now. Really do not know what to do and where to go for a normal living. 

I have been eating way too much (have spent a lot on food over the past 2 weeks). Not because I crave for eating from outside but because my mind says so and wants time off. 

Its 7:06 AM in the morning, I have some 15 minutes more to myself (after that I will have to get ready and start my routine work). Want to cherish these 15 minutes truly!

Listening to the mind vs. Listening to the Heart! 

Who to listen to? The mind or the heart? Or may be I will not have to do the exercise only! Lets see! 

Life! 

Its really strange - the kind of life I live! I do not do anything, literally anything apart from the work that I am doing. I sleep with the thought that I am really tired of the school work, I wake up thinking about the work that I have to do during the day, I run here and there the entire day to see what is happening! And the strangest thing ever is - I am not craving to do anything else apart from this! I am not behaving like a normal 24.5 years old - its as if this is the end! I do not know why I am not realizing that there is life beyond this work life, I am not realizing that I am eating a lot and not exercising enough to digest it, I am not realizing that there are books out there waiting for me to read them, I am not realizing that there is a world beyond this place where many other people are there! 

I have become such a monotonous person! I talk to just one friend, I talk almost the same thing everyday at home "aur kya chal raha hain, koi nayee taazaa?" and then responding back by saying "mere paas toh koi nayi taaza nahin hain!"  I want to have something nice to share, something different apart from the work that I am doing, want to add to the current skill set that I have, want to explore more, meet people, see the world, be the change, be the cause, do something exciting, bring some fun in my life, have exciting things to tell, value people, value family and friends, value these precious days of my life which are never going to come back again! 

Ah! 

GoOsEbUmPs! 

I had a nice little break again from work (these last 2 weeks). I am looking forward to go back to the Gujju land, will try to work out new possibilities!!! But getting goosebumps thinking about the amount of work!