After so long..! 

After a long time finally, I am writing today! Not because I really have something to share/wanted to write something, but just that I wanted to fill in this void of not updating this blog! 

I am a Teachers' Trainer know (the world knows about it) and I think I am really happy with the work that I am doing, post TFI Fellowship. Fellowship gave me this direction..I wanted/want/will always want to do more towards so many children of our country and outside. Yes, I am getting to do it. But it is not giving me a lot of satisfaction, probably because I am just a Trainer. 

And this work definitely is giving me so much of exposure! Hell amounts of it! And exposure in terms of everything - places I go to, people and teachers I meet, friends I have made. But still, I feel something is not there and I need to get it fixed, asap! :) 

Time to move on!?!?! 

Teach For India Fellowship over! While I sit back at home, thinking about the days ahead, I get this super relaxed feeling and a little worried feeling! Relaxed because I think I have done my bit (sort of, and that's something not good, I shouldn't be thinking like this) and worried because I feel I left my kids midway, especially the boys since their admissions are yet to be sorted. 

So, I am actually stuck up somewhere in between, still hoping to get back to these kids on 1st July and handing the baton properly to the new Fellows who will teach them. 

Thinking about these two years, I gave my best to them, tried everything possible. But there are questions which still need an answer!

In the quest for finding these answers, I still want to be working for children's education. I am so used to making lesson plans, working with the community, parents, students. I am so used to this schedule. Leaving at morning 6:30 and coming back by evening 6:30. Summer Break. Teachers' Training. Venting out. I can do it for my entire life probably.

Waiting to get started soon! :)

Blessing in disguise! 

This last week was something. I was angry, lonely, happy, excited, frustrated, looking forward, etc etc. Probably I felt every sort of emotion. 

I prepared my kids for two exams. First was Medhavi, a scholarship test organized by MCD. This paper comes in Hindi, so it was a tough job for me also to prepare them. But did it. And did the best. Whatever I could do in a limited time. I prepared them well, I can say. And then on the D-day, those "sarkari" things that happen. I was just so overwhelmed. So angry! But could not do anything about it except just keeping quiet and not taking part in those actions at all. That was the only way I could be exemplar. I was happy that just after the test, the students were honest enough in giving me the feedback about it. I was proud then. 

And then the second was an entrance exam.  I wanted kids to appear for Navodaya entrance. And that was completely fair. Nothing happened. And kids did well, I guess. Rest, the result will tell. I am hoping for the best. I took some parents along with me. And while the kids were giving their Exam, I was chit chatting with the parents. Shared lunch and had chai. It gave me a good contented feeling. 

I felt lonely, at times. There were times when I wanted to vent out. But I did not. Intentionally. Just had an informal conversation with two of my friends. Did not tell them the complete thing. 

I felt like a failure. Especially after the scholarship test. But got rid of that feeling since the next Exam went exactly the way I wanted it to go. 

And then there were times when I felt proud. Yesterday when the kids were waiting for the entrance to start, all the other parents with their kids were taking help of my children to teach them. And I had one mother telling me "Sir, aapke bachche hoshiyar hain!"

Such other incidents happened. And I do not want to disclose them. Let them just remain with me! I want to treasure them forever. 

This week was something, AGAIN! Blessing in disguise truly! Hoping for the best for my kids and everything around me! :)  

For me, its all about being busy! That's it! 

3 days more! 

School starts in the next 3 days and all the craziness then follows! Last Unit, Wonder by R J Palacio. Empathy. Leadership. Respect. Independence. Learning Centre. Extra Classes. Volunteering. And much more. 

Looking forward to having an amazing time ahead! :) 

I am not as lucky as everyone else ~ A conclusion to what we discussed yesterday V.S.! 

Me in conversation with my best friend yesterday: 

V: Yaar maine unhe call kiya, they did not pick up first! 

R: And then? 

V: Fir I messaged them, to which only one of them replied! 

R: And then? 

V: I heard positive things only from her! But imagine A had forgotten your birthday and he wished you only when I called him! And he was acting weird! Agar main hoon tabhi tujhe sab yaad karte hain, nahin toh koi nahin! 

R: Tu kitna zeher gholne wala types ban gaya hain! :O

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This conversation concludes a lot of things in itself! I never wanted to jump to conclusions though but then it makes me! Though I told him yesterday only that there is a huge difference in the mindsets, the way I perceive my friends and the way they do! But then now all this also makes me think that I am not as lucky as everyone else! And this is quite evident now. I am not as loved as everyone else is. 

And that does not even mean I am longing for it. I have some people who care for me. And that's more than sufficient for me! 

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The third part is also that expectations ruin relationships!  

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23. 

And yesterday I turned 23! Though I feel like I am 32. :P 

Felt really special with all the people wishing me! :) Highlight of the day was ofcourse my parents meeting my students at the learning centre. All the kids, me and parents were really happy! Kids like everytime had planned lots of surprises for me and were extra sweet yesterday!

We all decided to eat indoors, like everytime, since not everyone likes eating outside and I did not want cribbing faces towards the end. Even the cake. Baked by my two bhabhis. Made me feel really special! 

And ofcourse, tried new look! :P Kids were shocked to see me this way! Lol! 

Anyway, lets see what happens till the time I turn 24.