Has been an insane week! 

I really do not have words to describe how this week went. It has been insane, that's all I can say. I am feeling disturbed today. I do not know for what. But ya something has been going in my mind since last night. I have changed a lot. I believe. The changes are so damn visible in me. What are these changes for? And where am I going towards? I do not understand. 

But one thing I know...I am not repeating these same mistakes! 

Weekly Post!

Hope for the best and chuck the rest! 

So, I am going to write weekly posts from now onwards. I think I have to start venting out on a weekly basis, since everyday this is just not possible..:P 

Last week for me was an eye opener. When I left the place in Rohini and told parents that I shall manage everything, they told me, living alone is not a child's play. And that no time will be saved since I will have to do many extra things. True that. Last week I actually had a lot to manage at home, and so I could not give my 100% to a lot of things. 

Last week had glows as well. I gave 100% to BBL (do not know how much the team there is satisfied with the work, but I am sure they must have got something), I planned everyday, managed "household" - yess, this is one added task :D, took a session at Prathik's meet and ya many others. Got some (all of a sudden :D) appreciation from Prathik and Safdar. Thanks to them :)  And this always helps me in some or the other way! 

And then last week had a lot in it which was disappointing for me. I had to get a place on rent in the community, had to meet Mr. Sonu, pushed myself one day, went half way and then came back. All this happened because of that idiot xerox guy, he pissed me off badly. And then I did not look after my emergent kids after school/ during school hours. This is something that I just cannot avoid at this point of time. And then the PT guy in our school threatening me that if I would not teach in his class, he would get orders from Principal ma'am. This was too much, actually! And then, the studying bit! I could not achieve my targets last week, had to give a practice test as well, which I could not do. 

Oh, then some people making fun of me in front of some others. That was super depressing. I do not know why I got depressed though since I am a person made fun of, very often. But somehow that was too much, I think! 

So, while coming back to parents' on Friday, I was super depressed because all this was going on in my mind. Was feeling unaccomplished. 

Anyway, hope this week I am able to do all of what I could not do last week. Lets hope for the best and chuck the rest :P. I think this should be my policy now. 

Also, I have made a donations page for my class and the link is  http://www.giveindia.org/iGive-theclassofchallengers

I really need donations to do a lot for my class this year. Help me in anyway you can, please! 

Thanksss! Week 2, Unit 3 here you begin! :)

I know I am a man full of problems!

A man full of problems! 

I do not understand why people keep reminding me of the fact that I have so many loopholes in me as a person. I also do not understand why they have not realized the fact that I also agree with them in whatever loopholes they see in me. 

I do not understand why they can't just guide me to be better. Fine, I have problems. And every human being has. If rather than making fun of it, they'd tell me something about how I can rectify it, it would be very great. 

These loopholes have remained in me since quite a long time now. And I have been wanting to get rid of the problems in me since then, I believe. I take steps but they have not not made a long lasting impact! 

There are already a thousand things going on in my head right now. There is so much to do. And I feel like a shit these days since nothing is happening. Rather than giving me steps about how I can go about doing so much, they want to see some other aspect in me. :'( 

On changing the house! :)

After a long time, and so much happened! Life has changed the track! :P 

Ah, it seems as if I am writing after like ages. Ya, because so much has happened since I wrote last! I have started living in a house close to my school. Its really overwhelming, but ya one thing that I will never forget for life! 

Crossing the road to reach to the school, roaming in the streets in the late hours, friends coming home, washing clothes, figuring out food, water and everything else. This is one phase of life. Chandan coming home in the evening.  

I feel relaxed but at the same time really nervous about the fact that I have to make something out of the time I am living outside. BTCP is on a halt. So many meetings. So much to do in the class, with the kids. So many goals to accomplish. A lot to do, in nutshell. 

I am managing so much. Just wondering, all this should not turn out to be like a jack of all, and master of none case. It will not be good.

Zindagi jhand hain! 

Yesterday was one such day that I just cannot forget. I feel like crying right now. It was Independence Day Celebration at school yesterday.  My class had to do 2 things - a classical dance and a speech. 

The classical dance got criticized by the school staff. They all kept saying "kaisa gaana hain yeh" and other things like "Raman sir ki class ki girls kuch khas toh nahin kar rahi" and all. Though all such things just reach my ears and go away from another but yesterday it struck my mind somewhere. Since last year what I just hear in school is criticism about my class. No one has really appreciated my class that much. The only appreciation that I have got is from my managers so far. But that is just one side of the coin. I want the class to be appreciated by whosoever comes and sees them. 

My girls also missed out on one more opportunity - speaking on Independence Day. They had prepared a speech on it. They were all ready to go for it. But then suddenly one staff member in school refused to call them on stage, just because a group that came earlier, stumbled a little. That teacher was like "sir, rehene do, kuch mat karao, bachche bhul rahe hain and all"! I kept quiet and took steps back. 

The chief guest later appreciated our TFI team in school and said he has never seen kids speaking such nice English in other schools. I was happy to listen to that and thought that my school staff has got its lesson. But at the same time I was really very disappointed that my class missed out on this opportunity. The opportunity to get appreciation from someone outside school, from a person working with the Government. 

I think its also because of me that since I remained quiet that moment and agreed with whatever that teacher said. 

Even Gayatri did not seem much happy with my girls' performance. 

And yesterday, there was no one with whom I could share all of this. And I am really depressed right now. 

But life has to go on. I am eating breakfast right now and writing all this. And just now mom said "Raman, tu itna chup chup kyun rehene lag gaya hain! Bolna hi bhul gaya hain!" And I am thinking "kya bolun! zindagi jhand hain!" 

When I am idle, I just do anything! 

All credit goes to today's holiday, I actually opened up previous albums and was just flipping through the pictures when suddenly I found this one:-

I do not know why it is getting uploaded like this :P But still :P 

Haha :D 

The August Post! 

My life is just circling around plans, school, meetings, sleep, and eating food! That's all I do these days. Its okay! :)

Last week, I'd gone mad. On Saturday, I took my role models out for a lunch at Mc. Donalds, Model Town. They were really excited. Post that I wanted to spend some more time out and did not want to return home. Prince's father had invited me for dinner at his place, but firstly I thought he was joking.  He was not. he had called me like 10 times to be at his place in the evening. I did not want to go, since it was too far . And I thought, even if I go, where will I spend the time till evening 7 PM. But his father just did not agree. 

So, I agreed to go to his place. And by the time we finished lunch at Mc. D's it was 4. I went back to drop the kids back home. And then came back to the metro to board it till Jahangirpuri where Prince lives. But I did not take the metro. I just dropped Apoorva and came back. I thought I'd spend some more time in the community. So, I went. I met Sonu Bhaiya, who has given me the space in the community for extra classes. Just talked to him about housing and all. And then went to Dipika's house. Talked to her parents for sometime. Met Chandan who really likes studying and started insisting me to take his tuition as well. I just kept on talking and talking. And then when I saw my watch, it was 7:30. 

Prince's father called me again. I had no other option as to go to his place for dinner. So, I went there. Met the entire family and enjoyed the delicious food which was prepared since I was coming. I was so embarrassed. But at the same time, I was just happy as well. 

I reached home at 10 PM that day. What a day! I do not know how life would be after another 9 months when I will have to leave. Its going to be hard! Yes, definitely!