Zindagi jhand hain! 

Yesterday was one such day that I just cannot forget. I feel like crying right now. It was Independence Day Celebration at school yesterday.  My class had to do 2 things - a classical dance and a speech. 

The classical dance got criticized by the school staff. They all kept saying "kaisa gaana hain yeh" and other things like "Raman sir ki class ki girls kuch khas toh nahin kar rahi" and all. Though all such things just reach my ears and go away from another but yesterday it struck my mind somewhere. Since last year what I just hear in school is criticism about my class. No one has really appreciated my class that much. The only appreciation that I have got is from my managers so far. But that is just one side of the coin. I want the class to be appreciated by whosoever comes and sees them. 

My girls also missed out on one more opportunity - speaking on Independence Day. They had prepared a speech on it. They were all ready to go for it. But then suddenly one staff member in school refused to call them on stage, just because a group that came earlier, stumbled a little. That teacher was like "sir, rehene do, kuch mat karao, bachche bhul rahe hain and all"! I kept quiet and took steps back. 

The chief guest later appreciated our TFI team in school and said he has never seen kids speaking such nice English in other schools. I was happy to listen to that and thought that my school staff has got its lesson. But at the same time I was really very disappointed that my class missed out on this opportunity. The opportunity to get appreciation from someone outside school, from a person working with the Government. 

I think its also because of me that since I remained quiet that moment and agreed with whatever that teacher said. 

Even Gayatri did not seem much happy with my girls' performance. 

And yesterday, there was no one with whom I could share all of this. And I am really depressed right now. 

But life has to go on. I am eating breakfast right now and writing all this. And just now mom said "Raman, tu itna chup chup kyun rehene lag gaya hain! Bolna hi bhul gaya hain!" And I am thinking "kya bolun! zindagi jhand hain!" 

When I am idle, I just do anything! 

All credit goes to today's holiday, I actually opened up previous albums and was just flipping through the pictures when suddenly I found this one:-

I do not know why it is getting uploaded like this :P But still :P 

Haha :D 

The August Post! 

My life is just circling around plans, school, meetings, sleep, and eating food! That's all I do these days. Its okay! :)

Last week, I'd gone mad. On Saturday, I took my role models out for a lunch at Mc. Donalds, Model Town. They were really excited. Post that I wanted to spend some more time out and did not want to return home. Prince's father had invited me for dinner at his place, but firstly I thought he was joking.  He was not. he had called me like 10 times to be at his place in the evening. I did not want to go, since it was too far . And I thought, even if I go, where will I spend the time till evening 7 PM. But his father just did not agree. 

So, I agreed to go to his place. And by the time we finished lunch at Mc. D's it was 4. I went back to drop the kids back home. And then came back to the metro to board it till Jahangirpuri where Prince lives. But I did not take the metro. I just dropped Apoorva and came back. I thought I'd spend some more time in the community. So, I went. I met Sonu Bhaiya, who has given me the space in the community for extra classes. Just talked to him about housing and all. And then went to Dipika's house. Talked to her parents for sometime. Met Chandan who really likes studying and started insisting me to take his tuition as well. I just kept on talking and talking. And then when I saw my watch, it was 7:30. 

Prince's father called me again. I had no other option as to go to his place for dinner. So, I went there. Met the entire family and enjoyed the delicious food which was prepared since I was coming. I was so embarrassed. But at the same time, I was just happy as well. 

I reached home at 10 PM that day. What a day! I do not know how life would be after another 9 months when I will have to leave. Its going to be hard! Yes, definitely! 

Me on being so forgetful!

The forgetfulness is getting onto my nerves! 

I am just so sick of the forgetfulness in me these days. Its just getting worse everyday. It actually started up from leaving those assessments bag in an auto and now so many days after that, I forget atleast one thing per day. 

I forget things kids say to me, I forget conversations, I am lost most of the times, while I am talking to people I start thinking about something else. And mostly the thoughts are my kids and classroom. 

This week I had some people visiting my class. Because I was overloaded with a lot of admin work, I forgot to inform the Principal about the visitors and I ended up telling the visitors not to come for the observation. 

All I need right now is reducing the stress level. I need to breathe. I need to exercise. But when? I come back at 6 or 7 PM everyday and then I plan for the next day. When on earth will I find the time for exercising? Uff! 

I am eating way too much. After this one year, I am sure I will become one hippo! Oh no! 

:( 

Just like that!

?!?!?!?!?!

I have been consistently getting up one hour late in the morning. I remember Dimpy complimenting me at Amritsar for getting up early than the decided time.."if you wake up very early (kind of sleep less), this means your mind is at peace"..! And I have been getting up late these days..and yes of course, mind never stops working/thinking about something or the other. So, now I accede with her. 

Last week I have had enough! This week I am hoping things to get better. Literally. I have lots of plans for this week. Have to execute them all. Completely. 

Lost in all the mess around, I completely forgot that I have only 8 more months to go with these kids. Nigam Pratibha, Bhadolla. TFI. I don't know where life will take me after that. Such less time to cross this huge hill! Have to gain strength before I fall down! 

Again that same thought!

A messy morning! Realized that I left assessments of Rinky's class in an auto. And I felt ashamed. For the first time in my life, I did not care about somebody else’s possession. For the very first time. 

And now that same thought is getting profound, deep, getting instilled inside me like anything. Today also my class can’t settle. Can’t settle like the way I want them to. Or any acceptable way. They do not care enough. I have kids crying in class still, telling me that others insult them. I have nothing to say. I feel irresponsible. I feel so low. So depressed. No motivation. No vision set. No sense of possibility. Some kids progressing to the next levels. But most kids still not know where they are going. Why? Why? Why?

The thought is getting deep inside me. Is a barrier to my progress. Kids still do not care. Things are difficult. Yes, they are! 

So soo sooo tired on a Tuesday! 

I know this is not the right way to begin the day, but I am just so tired. Its as if its a Saturday and I am waiting for the day to get done, come back home and just relax for a bit. 

Yesterday was so long! I came back home at around 9 PM. Then had to plan certain things. I got free by 10:30 PM. And then I just wanted to sleep. Slept. Wanted to wake up at 4 but it got delayed by half an hour. Did not work much in the morning. Some things from yesterday are still running in my mind. And I am just so lost. 

Just one thing for today..I just do not want to lose patience today in class. I have been doing this since last week and I am not happy about it. Really have to work on it. Uff. 

Hoping this day to be much much better than yesterday! I so want happy days now!