Me on being so forgetful!

The forgetfulness is getting onto my nerves! 

I am just so sick of the forgetfulness in me these days. Its just getting worse everyday. It actually started up from leaving those assessments bag in an auto and now so many days after that, I forget atleast one thing per day. 

I forget things kids say to me, I forget conversations, I am lost most of the times, while I am talking to people I start thinking about something else. And mostly the thoughts are my kids and classroom. 

This week I had some people visiting my class. Because I was overloaded with a lot of admin work, I forgot to inform the Principal about the visitors and I ended up telling the visitors not to come for the observation. 

All I need right now is reducing the stress level. I need to breathe. I need to exercise. But when? I come back at 6 or 7 PM everyday and then I plan for the next day. When on earth will I find the time for exercising? Uff! 

I am eating way too much. After this one year, I am sure I will become one hippo! Oh no! 

:( 

Just like that!

?!?!?!?!?!

I have been consistently getting up one hour late in the morning. I remember Dimpy complimenting me at Amritsar for getting up early than the decided time.."if you wake up very early (kind of sleep less), this means your mind is at peace"..! And I have been getting up late these days..and yes of course, mind never stops working/thinking about something or the other. So, now I accede with her. 

Last week I have had enough! This week I am hoping things to get better. Literally. I have lots of plans for this week. Have to execute them all. Completely. 

Lost in all the mess around, I completely forgot that I have only 8 more months to go with these kids. Nigam Pratibha, Bhadolla. TFI. I don't know where life will take me after that. Such less time to cross this huge hill! Have to gain strength before I fall down! 

Again that same thought!

A messy morning! Realized that I left assessments of Rinky's class in an auto. And I felt ashamed. For the first time in my life, I did not care about somebody else’s possession. For the very first time. 

And now that same thought is getting profound, deep, getting instilled inside me like anything. Today also my class can’t settle. Can’t settle like the way I want them to. Or any acceptable way. They do not care enough. I have kids crying in class still, telling me that others insult them. I have nothing to say. I feel irresponsible. I feel so low. So depressed. No motivation. No vision set. No sense of possibility. Some kids progressing to the next levels. But most kids still not know where they are going. Why? Why? Why?

The thought is getting deep inside me. Is a barrier to my progress. Kids still do not care. Things are difficult. Yes, they are! 

So soo sooo tired on a Tuesday! 

I know this is not the right way to begin the day, but I am just so tired. Its as if its a Saturday and I am waiting for the day to get done, come back home and just relax for a bit. 

Yesterday was so long! I came back home at around 9 PM. Then had to plan certain things. I got free by 10:30 PM. And then I just wanted to sleep. Slept. Wanted to wake up at 4 but it got delayed by half an hour. Did not work much in the morning. Some things from yesterday are still running in my mind. And I am just so lost. 

Just one thing for today..I just do not want to lose patience today in class. I have been doing this since last week and I am not happy about it. Really have to work on it. Uff. 

Hoping this day to be much much better than yesterday! I so want happy days now! 

Ups and downs! 

Sigh! The day started off really well, exactly like the way I want most days to start. I woke up early. Worked. And then went for a jog. Thanks to RB to motivate me yesterday and making me excited about it! Otherwise, jogging and that too so early is not my cup of tea! But today finally something happened to me as the clock struck 5 and I was out...! Though it was not more than 15 minutes but still for the first time I liked it! 

Was feeling high that time! 

Then school. I was feeling positive for it as well. I was feeling happy in the morning. But then as soon as after assembly I entered the class, I saw my kids in a chaotic state. Some kids running after a lizard, some others having fun and rest running up to me, shouting "Lizard, lizard"! And that pissed me off. Early morning. And I got angry. 

Then did shared reading today. The day worsened when I found out that the kids have forgotten how to write proper answers. Verbally they could answer but when it came to writing, they all made mistakes. 

Then extra class, this boy made me laugh and forget the grudges that I had! 

Uff...

I keep hearing his and Raja's stories in the community. As soon as he sees me, he runs to his mom, and says "Bhaiya, aa gaye!" in such an innocent and excited voice, that I start feeling so happy! This makes my day. And then he never leaves me alone! While I am teaching kids, he comes and sits on my laps, and keep observing me! And I always try to take my eyes away from him, because whenever I see him, I forget my seriousness, and start laughing, and then seeing me every other kid laughs! 

Hmm..hoping to have a better tomorrow! Seriously! 

High Point of the day! :) 

Sunday! :O

Sundays are boring, literally! 

I feel so gloomy on Sundays mostly. There are several reasons as to why I feel so. 

First, I get lazy. The routine life suddenly breaks, which I don't like at all. Next, for many people, Sunday is a fun day, but for me its not. I have to work. But "work from home" is not my cup of tea. 

Next, I feel like talking to somebody, talking as in venting. I wish I could have someone with whom I could vent on a Saturday or a Sunday. Not on chats. But face to face. Not even by sitting in a food court. Somebody who could walk with me and listen to me endlessly. And share happiness with. 

Sigh! Enough said.