Me on being so forgetful!

The forgetfulness is getting onto my nerves! 

I am just so sick of the forgetfulness in me these days. Its just getting worse everyday. It actually started up from leaving those assessments bag in an auto and now so many days after that, I forget atleast one thing per day. 

I forget things kids say to me, I forget conversations, I am lost most of the times, while I am talking to people I start thinking about something else. And mostly the thoughts are my kids and classroom. 

This week I had some people visiting my class. Because I was overloaded with a lot of admin work, I forgot to inform the Principal about the visitors and I ended up telling the visitors not to come for the observation. 

All I need right now is reducing the stress level. I need to breathe. I need to exercise. But when? I come back at 6 or 7 PM everyday and then I plan for the next day. When on earth will I find the time for exercising? Uff! 

I am eating way too much. After this one year, I am sure I will become one hippo! Oh no! 

:( 

Just like that!

?!?!?!?!?!

I have been consistently getting up one hour late in the morning. I remember Dimpy complimenting me at Amritsar for getting up early than the decided time.."if you wake up very early (kind of sleep less), this means your mind is at peace"..! And I have been getting up late these days..and yes of course, mind never stops working/thinking about something or the other. So, now I accede with her. 

Last week I have had enough! This week I am hoping things to get better. Literally. I have lots of plans for this week. Have to execute them all. Completely. 

Lost in all the mess around, I completely forgot that I have only 8 more months to go with these kids. Nigam Pratibha, Bhadolla. TFI. I don't know where life will take me after that. Such less time to cross this huge hill! Have to gain strength before I fall down! 

Again that same thought!

A messy morning! Realized that I left assessments of Rinky's class in an auto. And I felt ashamed. For the first time in my life, I did not care about somebody else’s possession. For the very first time. 

And now that same thought is getting profound, deep, getting instilled inside me like anything. Today also my class can’t settle. Can’t settle like the way I want them to. Or any acceptable way. They do not care enough. I have kids crying in class still, telling me that others insult them. I have nothing to say. I feel irresponsible. I feel so low. So depressed. No motivation. No vision set. No sense of possibility. Some kids progressing to the next levels. But most kids still not know where they are going. Why? Why? Why?

The thought is getting deep inside me. Is a barrier to my progress. Kids still do not care. Things are difficult. Yes, they are! 

So soo sooo tired on a Tuesday! 

I know this is not the right way to begin the day, but I am just so tired. Its as if its a Saturday and I am waiting for the day to get done, come back home and just relax for a bit. 

Yesterday was so long! I came back home at around 9 PM. Then had to plan certain things. I got free by 10:30 PM. And then I just wanted to sleep. Slept. Wanted to wake up at 4 but it got delayed by half an hour. Did not work much in the morning. Some things from yesterday are still running in my mind. And I am just so lost. 

Just one thing for today..I just do not want to lose patience today in class. I have been doing this since last week and I am not happy about it. Really have to work on it. Uff. 

Hoping this day to be much much better than yesterday! I so want happy days now! 

Ups and downs! 

Sigh! The day started off really well, exactly like the way I want most days to start. I woke up early. Worked. And then went for a jog. Thanks to RB to motivate me yesterday and making me excited about it! Otherwise, jogging and that too so early is not my cup of tea! But today finally something happened to me as the clock struck 5 and I was out...! Though it was not more than 15 minutes but still for the first time I liked it! 

Was feeling high that time! 

Then school. I was feeling positive for it as well. I was feeling happy in the morning. But then as soon as after assembly I entered the class, I saw my kids in a chaotic state. Some kids running after a lizard, some others having fun and rest running up to me, shouting "Lizard, lizard"! And that pissed me off. Early morning. And I got angry. 

Then did shared reading today. The day worsened when I found out that the kids have forgotten how to write proper answers. Verbally they could answer but when it came to writing, they all made mistakes. 

Then extra class, this boy made me laugh and forget the grudges that I had! 

Uff...

I keep hearing his and Raja's stories in the community. As soon as he sees me, he runs to his mom, and says "Bhaiya, aa gaye!" in such an innocent and excited voice, that I start feeling so happy! This makes my day. And then he never leaves me alone! While I am teaching kids, he comes and sits on my laps, and keep observing me! And I always try to take my eyes away from him, because whenever I see him, I forget my seriousness, and start laughing, and then seeing me every other kid laughs! 

Hmm..hoping to have a better tomorrow! Seriously! 

High Point of the day! :) 

Sunday! :O

Sundays are boring, literally! 

I feel so gloomy on Sundays mostly. There are several reasons as to why I feel so. 

First, I get lazy. The routine life suddenly breaks, which I don't like at all. Next, for many people, Sunday is a fun day, but for me its not. I have to work. But "work from home" is not my cup of tea. 

Next, I feel like talking to somebody, talking as in venting. I wish I could have someone with whom I could vent on a Saturday or a Sunday. Not on chats. But face to face. Not even by sitting in a food court. Somebody who could walk with me and listen to me endlessly. And share happiness with. 

Sigh! Enough said. 

6:55 AM!

When I reached school at 6:55 AM! :O Oh yeah! :D 

Something happened to me yesterday in the morning and I was all set to go to school, like really early! :D Just wanted to see how it is like in the morning, reaching there more than an hour before the actual school timings! And also had a huge pile of notebooks in the class, which I had to check, since I do not get time to do it during school hours! :P 

So, I reached school gate! And it surprised me when I saw that it was locked. eee! And I had 3 real heavy bags...so I was like "What the hell!" And I kept on calling the cleaner inside, but he wouldn't listen! So, there I was...with three bags, myself and a bunch of kids waiting for the door to get opened. 

Thank God, then after some minutes, came Aarti! Even she reaches the school by this time, everyday! WOW! We together then decided to go inside the community and wait there, rather than standing and waiting outside the school gate.  We went inside. And we both saw the other kids of our classroom, walking towards the school. They were surprised to see me there, early in the morning, so even they came and sat with us! 

And then we kept on talking, kids kept joining us, on that little bench where I was sitting. Everyone was noticing me. And I was feeling special. Haha! Below is a photo of us waiting on that little bench and making sad faces! :P

And then finally at 7:45 the gate opened! Later than the usual time! And I was like "yeh sab aaj hi hona tha!" Haha :D But okay its good to have fun at times! 

Ooohhh!  

Bad day! :'(

Had a bad day today! :'( 

Though I woke up on time, 4:30 AM, finished the works that I had, was early to school, was prepared, but still had a bad day. Various reasons for it.

 First, I just do not understand this boy, Raja of my class. His trend. Pattern. Sometimes he would act like a super sweet child and at other times, he would just not listen. I totally lost my patience today in dealing with them. He did exactly opposite things that I'd asked him to do today. When I asked him, not to say answers while others are trying, he would say the answer twice. While I told him, that I will not send anyone for play today, he intentionally asked for it. And then promised that he would get back on time. But came late. I was just so angry with him today. Refused to talk to him while I was leaving the school.

And then people pulling my leg, I do not know for what. Was it just for kidding purpose, or whether they really meant it, I just do not understand. And then extra work back at home, which really pissed me off. I just do not like doing something that's not in my plan..but still had to do two three things which were not planned before. 

And right now, I have completely lost it! Eyes are almost shut, I am just typing whatever is coming to my mind, without any processing of the information at all, and I am totally gone! 

Good night Raman Bahl! 

Today has been one insane day! Felt pushed, happy but now really exhausted!

One Insane day! 

Today has been one insane day, totally man! Woke up at 5: 30, first of all, late than my usual time, which messed me up early in the morning.  I had some work for the morning today, but I could not do it. So, had totally lost it. Somehow, started feeling normal, so got ready, went to the school, and there I saw, waiting for me, AJITTTTTT, and I was just like "Okaaayy, wow!! This kid is back!" I have mentioned about this kid of mine in one of my posts...and I was so excited to see him in school. Such pleasure it was, to see him! Made my day. 

This pushed me so much that I was really very energetic throughout the day. I was so happy to be in class. Teach my kids. Though execution was not up to the mark, but okay..tomorrow for sure! And then when the school ended, I went to meet people in the community, met parents. Had to meet some really urgently today, so could not cancel it. 

And then post that, had to go to one friend's place. Had to work with her. It was 7:30 by the time I reached back home. Then had to plan. I don't know why I took more than the normal time in planning today. And then so many small really important things struck my mind as I finished planning. BOY information. Making Final Session Plan. Kids' Hindi. S.ST. EVS. Volunteers plan of action. Presentation. Teachers' Survey. So on and so forth. I have now finally made a list of tasks that needs to be completed. And since I really wanted to vent all this, so this blogpost. Uff. And right now also, my mind is not relaxed, but is still working. Thinking about loads of stuff. 

But this is one phase of life that I had waited for. So,  I am loving it. At least, my mind is not thinking about useless issues! :P But I need to make a proper schedule, like really! 

Day 1!

Day 1 at school! :) 

I so wanted to write this before the start of the second day in school, so 5:30 AM in the morning and so I am  doing this. Reason why I did not it yesterday - IT WAS DAY 1 AT SCHOOL, SO IT WAS BOUND TO BE HECTIC! :D haha..

Morning when I entered the school, the new Fellows and Volunteers were already there, set and waiting for me to come. They were inside Principal ma'am's office when I reached and looked really stressed out :P haha and that clearly reminded me of my first day at school, last year! Such huge transition in one year.. :D. Then, the next thing I did after wishing them, was definitely, meeting my kids. While I was walking the stairs up, I just can't explain how nervous even I was then to see all their faces. Now when I am thinking about it, I think I was nervous because I didn't know whether my kids would smile at me when they see me after 2 months, or whether they would just be very cold, wish me morning and stuff and would start their businesses. But when I saw their faces, Mukesh first, standing at the entry door, waiting for me to come and open it, I was so so happy..that I did not care about anything, and rushed to hug them all. 

Then opened the door, talked to them for sometime, settled the new Fellows by telling them little stuff, assembly started, and then I was back in the class. This is when I got to see all of them, the way they used to be 2 months back, sitting silently and listening to me. I shared my experience at the Sea and the beach at Goa, showed them some pictures and then I was all set to talk about their goals for this year and their future. 

But I had only 13 kids yesterday. Such less strength. Today I will have more. And all my kids were so sleepy yesterday, though I did try to make them feel energetic, but first day probably was too hectic for them, and it was so hot also. 

While coming back in the metro, I messaged the 13'ers asking about how the day was. Sangitha replied "hoping a better tomorrow!", which was exactly the same thing which I used to tell everyone around me last year, and literally said this each and every day!

Anyway, waiting to start teaching today. Day 2. Hoping it to be better.;) (I am saying this even now! :D )

Day 2. Rise and Shine.